Anything Help

My very first time I visited New York City 17 years ago or so, I got off at Grand Central station, walked outside the train station, and was instantly mesmerized by the glittery sidewalks.  Little did I know what else NYC had in store for me.  It was all a blur of big buildings and people rushing about.  But the thing that really struck me was how everyone seemed to just ignore all of the homeless people sitting on street corners, walking through the subway asking for change.  I asked a local, how do you do it?  His response was that you can't help everyone, and after awhile, you just have to get used to it-- it's a matter of survival.  I couldn't believe I'd ever "just get used to" seeing that much pain every day.  And here I am, 17 years later, no longer a tourist, and living near one of the biggest local homeless populations, and though I never ignore anyone, I have definitely put up my emotional walls for that "self survival".  It's true, you can't give money or food to everyone, but I do always try meet their eyes with a smile, and sometimes a simple "I'm sorry, " which is more often than not met with a "thank you".  By now, I rarely read the signs telling stories of lives lost and hopelessness.

Last night, I saw this sign abandoned on a side street in the rain, with no one nearby, outside the comedy club where I had just laughed for an hour during an amazing improv session with Yo La Tengo and Beauty Love Truth. Normally I wouldn't have though twice about it, but something about just leaving the club, made me feel the starkness of contrast in my situation to this missing sign owner's, with almost the same sharpness as I felt 17 years ago.  I've hardened, sure, but the absence of the person attached to the sign at least gave me the emotional space to stop, open my eyes and heart just a little more, and really ponder for a moment, where she was now, and whether she found someplace dry to rest her head that night.  Small steps.